One of the biggest problems that I have found in evaluating essays from Jr. High and High School students is that they often write phrases like: “In this essay,” “I am going to tell you,” or “I am writing this because.” Why should you avoid using phrases like this in your writing?
The reason we should avoid using phrases like that is because they are redundant. Typically, students feel that they need to make it look like they write more than they actually do and will add phrases that are not essential to the meaning of the writing sample in order to add length to their writing. These phrases are nothing but “space filler.” It is obvious what you are trying to say it is an essay. It is obvious what you are going to try to tell us. And it is obvious why you are writing something.
A good rule of thumb when writing an essay is to show the reader what you’re trying to do, and don’t tell them. If you can imagine taking a friend on a tour of your home, when you take them on the tour you don’t tell them what they are seeing, you show them. You must do the same thing in your writing. Show the reader what you want them to see. Don’t tell them.